Tuesday, May 21, 2013

XV

The last few weeks have been hard for me emotionally. I haven't felt completely myself for quite some time...where strength and hope was, now I feel a sort of brokenness, as if I'm regressing. I know its completely normal to have these feelings, but I wish I wouldn't. I'm human, I know its not realistic to expect that I would be exempt from emotions like these. I've never regretted leaving Theo. Its been heaven without his suffocating presence. Yet I still have the residual insecurity that he left me as a sick, twisted curse. No one said it would be easy to recover from what he did to me, but I wish it would be easier to distance myself from the woman I became for those short few months. I feel like I need to do it quick, though...for fear of pushing away the only good man I've dated in my entire life. I know he can only take so much of my fragile state of mind before deciding to call it quits. I have been stressed, depressed, and every sort of negative emotion in between, wondering if anyone else has felt so torn and broken. I turn to writing this blog to heal myself, that in some way my honest catharsis may help others. I don't want to be alone because I've spoken too much about my ordeal. The truth is I may never fully recover--just like scars never fully heal. And although tonight may not be the night I find closure, maybe with these words I am one step closer.

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