Sunday, December 22, 2013

XVII

 A few weeks ago, my boyfriend's best friend, Patrick, was asking questions about Theo and wondering if he was helping out with my son's hospital bills or even involved in my life at all. That question marked the first time I had had to talk about Theo in months. This week has been particularly tough because I've been forced to face a lot of things that happened last year, including painful memories I experienced.

The thing about sexual predators like Theo is that they will hit you at your most vulnerable, and I was at mine when he contacted me. I have spent hours out of every day wishing for the life I had before I left, not knowing what I was getting myself into. My situation is particularly tough to explain because my action of dating Theo seems to disqualify the thought in people's minds that I was raped. I'm writing this blog for the express reason of telling people differently. It amazes me how thick people are: just because there was a thin semblance of a relationship between Theo and I doesn't mean that I automatically consented to sex. This, however, was the side the cops took when I finally became courageous enough to call. I may have already written about this in previous posts, but it makes me so upset I'm willing to speak out again. The officer I spoke to was in disbelief that it had taken the time it did for me to call: weeks, two months, I can't remember the exact date, but I remember it was before August of last year. Of course there was nothing they could do, even if the officer had even pretended to believe my story, citing the reason he didn't was that several girls call in frequently crying rape against an ex-boyfriend. The frustration of having no support from the very institution designed to protect people like me was beyond aggravating. I did the best I could and tried to move on instead of dwelling on things and putting myself in a negative state of mind. Those who have been victimized will realize how hard this is to do.

I am so grateful for all the support I've had from my family, friends and anonymous readers. I'm difficult at times but I am so thankful for your willingness to stay by my side. This is just one of few weeks where I'm having a particularly hard time coping and finding strength to go on living life. I know that I have to remember that inside I am stronger than him and just that thought alone gives me ten times the power he had over me last year. I guess the main point of this post is that it doesn't matter whether or not you know the person or have consented to sex twenty times or not at all. If you say "no", either verbally or by your actions, no one has any right to force themselves on you and if they do, remember that it's never your fault. You weren't "asking for it" by the way you acted or the way you dress. The way you personally express yourself through clothes or makeup or anything doesn't warrant another person to attack you and then use your style as a justification.

8 comments:

  1. Hey, I've read your whole blog, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you're very brave for writing this and speaking out against abuse. It takes time and a lot of strength to come back and heal from something like this. I know I'm only a stranger, but I sincerely wish you the best for the future.

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  2. Thanks, C!! It's been a long journey and I know there will still be a lot of hard times ahead, but I have a great support system now and I really think that makes all the difference. Thank you for commenting :)

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    1. I am assuming that this all took place before Mr. Theo got that reward money?

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    2. Ever--I am not sure I understand the context of the statement you made. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, though!

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  3. As I read through your blog you state that you and Theo were living on his SS payments and from what you say not living like he had $29,000.00 in his pocket. I guess the context of my statement was quite open ended and please know that I mean no disrespect to you. I am interested Mr. Theo and a crime that I am most certain he was much more involved in. Theirs a monster inside, I just need to prove it. Im glad you got away before you became headline news.

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    1. Ever--yes, as stated in previous blog posts, we were quite poor and lived on the street for a large percentage of my time in Washington. I'm still unsure as to what you are asking about regarding Theo and his money--he was, at the time I was with him, on SS for claiming a disability but from my perspective I believe that claim was quite fraudulent, as you can read in my blog.
      There is no need to "prove" anything. Theo Keyes is the worst excuse for a human being: he is a sick, twisted monster who uses and abuses anything and anyone. I'm very blessed I was able to remove myself from the situation before it got worse. Please feel free to contact me with any other questions via the information found in my Blogger profile or here on the comment feed.

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    2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    3. Ever--look for my e-mail in your inbox. I deleted your comment as soon as I saw it so the world wouldn't see your e-mail address; I hope that's okay.

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